well...i dont mean to write this out
but i am tired
i am damn sad today
no one is listening to me
why
i ask myself
90% of my answer is my attitude
i know that very well
but some how
i lost my tempered again
......
the first thing was
my eldest sis post some of the pictures
which we took in china
well...
in my mind
models is only meant for the good looking person
so i hate taking photographs since i know my mind
i am ugly
for ur information
i got a lot of pimples
i am fat
i wear spectacles
and the worst is that
i am not pretty enough to become a model in a picture
i turn my head away when someone try to take picture of me
i dont want to become an object for people to laugh at
i am hurt
since my mom's side aunts
and even my grandmother
say i am fat
i know it is a truth
but i am shamed
and all of them tell how good is my eldest sis is
without knowing the real me
they just look at ur figure
ur looks
how hurt
so i avoid them
i want my face
i dont want to be laugh at
but those who are good looking
like my eldest sis
she just doesnt bother
so i got very angry
when she tagged me in those pictures
i already told them
dont ever post my pictures on fb
i am scared on being laugh
but my mom wont know
.....
the second thing
when my second sis suddenly shouted out
rudely asking me to clean up the mess is study room
i got it and found out
most of them are not mine
so again
i blackened my face
.....
third thing
my elder sis saw my anger in fb
which i put as my status
and she felt angry too
come on
its ur fault
and if i am wrong
i apologize
what is the big deal?
.....
and the last part
tah dah....
i wanna use the printer
but my second sis use the space
i asked her to use
because i was watching anime
but she came out and want me to use it
okay
the printer got problem which i dont know what is that
and i ask my eldest sis
to come and help
but she couldnt do anything
so she called dad
i think because i dont want to face my second sis
and i am not mature enough
that i pulled my face long
and mom angry
"why are u so impatient?any little things happened also u wanna angry..how u want to work together with other people in your future "
(cry...)
well...i cant control my tears
i know my temper very well
but
this year
i find it hard to control it
i got stress which i made myself
and tuitions
exams
and no more person to listen to what i feel
they say i change a lot
they are not happy with my attitude
but i dont speak my heart to them
it seems useless
and i finally dont talk heart by heart in my house
finally...
u know what
actually i dont want them to worry about me
so i kept all my secrets
i thought it was the best way
but i was proved wrong
i thought i can handle all by myself
u know what
i am not as tough as i look
i am not dependable at all
i run from a lot of problems
which haunt me later the other day
i choose not to bother
but i like to take care of my friends
i wanna make them happy
so i put all the jobs
the fussy things on my shoulders
only to make them happy
am i wrong
am i that bad
if it is a yes
so why am i crying
like an idiot
i felt that i dont belong here
or anywhere else
i think i am going insane
because of the tensions on study
i dont want to lose
i am not good enough in anything
i dont cook
dont sew
couldnt really help in chores
what i can do is only study hard to make my parents happy
to make them proud of me
is that really hard for u all to say that i am actually very good
am i really that bad
.....
......
my vision is blurred
i shoud stop now
my tears is so cheap
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